I Like the Freedom

10/02/25 – Aotearoa

When’d you move into the trailer park?
Last October. Because my mother died recently—about a month and a half ago.
What’s your favourite memory with her?
We used to go out on yachts. My family’s yachting-mad. Whenever we were out, I can remember my mum telling us what to do.
She used to show me a lot of cooking. My grandma used to show me a lot of cooking, too—both grandmas did. My father and my grandpa were cops, so it was very hard for me to do things. Couldn’t get away with much.
What’s it been like, this last month and a half?
It’s been good. I’ve got a friend that’s up in prison at the moment because he stole from me. Well, he’s not really a friend—he’s a close family member. He called my mother “grandmother.” But he stole from her and he was put in prison for four and a half months. He stole about two and a half thousand.

You’ve taken some time off work?
Yes, I got very tired. In my family, the men have heart disease. My father died at 54. My grandfather died at 64. So far, touch wood, I’ve survived.
How was losing your father?
It was hard. He died at home, up at the farm—massive heart attack—and was buried at sea. Both my father and grandfather were commodores. I didn’t actually go out to see them bury him; I must’ve been at work or something. But I was at my mother’s funeral, I spoke.
What did you say at the funeral?
Mum’s my mother. She gave birth to me. Her and Dad put me through surgery a week after I came out of the hospital—I had trouble consuming my mother’s milk. Mum’s been there for me all my life and I’ve been there for her. Now she’s resting at peace. It was hard to see her go. I was very close to her, and to her mother—I lived with them for six months when my parents couldn’t afford to clothe us. I’m still getting over the death now. I’m due to go up to my mother’s house on Monday. That’s going to be the hardest step—getting into that house again. I wanted to buy the house, but my sister said no, she’ll have it. Everything’s been left to her. There’s been a big family argument over inheritance I got from my grandmother.
What’s your favourite memory in that house?
Just being there with her, you know? We had our arguments, but we sat and talked and everything. She was a good mother. We all have arguments with mothers. But as they say, the mother always looks after the son, and the father keeps an eye on the daughter.
Did she know about your sexuality?
Yeah.
When did you come out to her?
1983. The same year I got married.
How did she feel about that?
It didn’t worry her. It was my father, really. There’s old wealth in the family name, though I don’t have much money. My father and I argued because I was married in ’83. My wife fell pregnant to me, but because she was raped at 15—one of her ovaries was badly damaged, we thought she’d never get pregnant. But she did. It was a son.
Usually, the firstborn son in the family is named [redacted]. My father wanted me to drop it, said he didn’t want it going anymore. I said no—you’re the grandfather, I’m the father. We decided the boy would be called [redacted]. But I nearly lost her the same day. She collapsed at work. The son died. It was very hard for me. It happened in August, just before our wedding anniversary.