Happy in Life
You’ve been to this motel a few times before. What’s your best experience here?
I was talking with this guy about two months ago. He was into Hypno–I’d never tried it before. He was 21, visiting from Jacksonville. I’m driving and texting this guy, never met him. We decided we’re gonna meet the next day. And he was willing to get a hotel room. He was a Dom, he hadn’t really done it a lot, but he wanted to be Dom, and he introduced me to Hypno, he made me listen to hypno tapes before I went to bed that night. And the hypno tapes, basically, there’s some for doms and there’s some for subs, and the ones for subs say you will serve your master, you will do whatever your master wants, and it’s a combination of sleep and hypnosis where you are just into this and you will do anything for this other person. And it’s the same as the dom tape, how you will control another person. I didn’t believe the guy. I didn’t think he was gonna meet. He goes, “I’m trying to get a hotel room”, And he goes, do you know any? I said, there’s one near me, but I don’t get paid until next week. He goes, “I don’t mind paying for it.” And I, again, didn’t believe him. But he paid for it, 21 years old, sexy as hell, we met here in a room like this. He first made me listen to the hypno tape for like 30 minutes. Then we played and we played and he fucked the hell out of me. And I sucked him off in the shower. Truly hot.
Other than the novelty factor, what else made the experience “truly hot?”
There’s subs, and there’s doms. Then there’s people who think they’re dom, and people who think they’re sub. Most of them have no fucking clue. To me, dom sub is about connection, respect, and trust. It’s not about abuse. Both people get what they want in a safe environment. He was very considerate, a very fun, super nice guy. I still talk to him. He’s going to come back and visit sometime. I’m a little older, so meeting young, sexy guys like you can be a challenge, but they like my experience, and they like the fact that I’m honest and safe and chill. Most young guys have no fucking clue what they’re doing. They don’t know what real foreplay is. They don’t know what real passion is. They just want to get off and that’s all. They have no idea how good sex can be. It’s a full body experience. It was hot that a younger guy understood that.
What’s the hook up like when you’re with inexperienced people just wanting to get off?
They’re boring. They don’t care about pleasing the other person. It’s often one-sided. You might have a guy who says he’s a dom who’s not really dom. A dom wants to control and tease and do a lot of foreplay with a sub. And a sub wants that. But a guy who says he’s dom, sometimes he just wants to be a top. And that’s all. And same with some subs. They like the idea of the fantasy because they read about it, they watch porn, they talk to guys, but they’re too scared to actually do anything. So what I find is most guys you talk to, about 80% of them, are there just to chat or just to think about it. They don’t really know what they want. But then there’s guys that really know what they want and we have a lot of fun. I’ve met nice guys that I stay friends with. My on-and-off-again boyfriend is a 19 year old sub. He’s sexy as fuck. He’s a little Spanish dude. I’ve known him for almost two years. He lives on the other side of town. He doesn’t have a car, I work a lot, and he’s busy, but it’s great when we’re together.
In what ways do romance and BDSM mix for you?
You know, I used to be married, had a couple of kids, and when I got out of that I became a total top dom. That makes me a better sub now because I know both sides of it, and I enjoy both sides of it. I like physical contact, not necessarily having to get off. I like touching, massaging. I give a great massage for fun. The physical contact is a romance in itself.
Were you into BDSM while married?
Not at all. What I realized is, I was never really attracted to girls. It was just kind of what I thought I had to do. I always had a closeted guy friend, you know, when I was your age, kids hanging out. but I never pursued BDSM until the last couple of years when I got divorced and then it’s like, I think I’ve been missing something.
When did you realize that? That you’d been missing something?
In the last couple of years when I decided to really explore. I never would have thought about wearing a gimp mask a year ago. I’ve learned that in all facets of life, what you’re doing now and what you’re gonna do in five years, ten years, or twenty years, is gonna change. Keep trying different things. You’ll learn what you like and what you don’t like. But you will never know if you don’t try. You might like girls, you might like guys. You might want to water ski, but are too afraid to get on the skis. You know, say yes to things in life as much as you can. As long as they’re safe and you’re comfortable doing it. No matter what happens or what we do, it’s like, you’ve never done that before, why not?
Yeah, I’m a firm believer in that too. A friend once told me, “always say yes if it’s gonna be fun or a funny story.” What’s a time where saying yes pushed you to a limit?
So this guy, once again a young guy, because I like guys under 30, it’s just my thing. We’d been talking for a couple of months. He lives about 35 minutes north of here, way farther than I’d normally drive to see anybody, but he had me going verbally, through text. He was staying on this farm in the middle of nowhere. I had to drive up a long dirt road. He wanted me to wear the gimp mask and a pair of panties and crawl from my car to where he was staying. I parked on a little piece of grass. And it was wet, it had rained. On my knees, I crawled across the road and paddock to meet him. And then we played. It was hot as fuck. The idea of sex itself is fun, but it’s that anticipation, the buildup, whether it’s through text or foreplay, that’s the hot part.
You’re also into nipple play, right? Tell me your best nipple related experiences .
One of my favorites was when a guy used chopsticks because he didn’t have any nipple clamps.
How do you use chopsticks as nipple clamps?
You put chopsticks there and use a rubber band then turn the chopsticks as much as you want. It was very intense
Fuck. When did you first experiment with nipple play?
My ex-wife used to play with them a little bit and I’d be like, no, they’re sensitive. And then ever since I played more with guys and it’s like, any time I play with a guy I want them played with, theirs or mine.
So while you got into the more queer kinky stuff recently, were there any moments growing up, possibly as a teenager, where something was like, oh, I like this, but you just didn’t have the courage to explore?
Not in the kink world. The first time I played with a guy was the old next door neighbor thing. And we got in a case of beer, and my parents had a couple hundred acres out in the country. We grew up together. I was 16, he was 17. My parents had a little pond we’d sit at. It was like 11 o’clock at night, and we decided to go skinny dipping. We’re swimming, then we both looked down and we both had fucking boners. He was like, you know what the fuck to do. So we jerked each other off. We hooked up a couple more times after that, only oral. I don’t think you get into really good sex until you get older. Most young guys are trying to figure it out. Most guys are too scared to try. The more you practice, the more you find your body being sensual. Sex is like everything else in life, it’s never gonna be perfect. The person’s never gonna be perfect, the orgasm’s never gonna be perfect. It’s all about give and take and enjoying it–and managing expectations.
Yeah, I believe that if you don’t expect anything, you don’t get disappointed. It makes things more exciting, and you become more grateful for what you do have rather than focusing on what you don’t. I suppose that creates a more sensual experience, too.
Absolutely, the definition of gratitude is wanting what you have, not wanting what you don’t. I’m in recovery, I don’t drink, I smoke cigarettes, I don’t do any drugs. Been sober for seven years.
Solid, that’s real good. When was the clicking point that made you decide to be sober?
There have been a few, but I think when I was sleeping in my car and had taken a baseball bat to my daughter’s boyfriend. They put me in jail for 12 days. I hadn’t hit him. Didn’t hit him. I was the one that called the cops, but they put me in jail because I was the one drinking. I was trying to get him out of the house. Once I realized where my life was going, I needed to do something about it.
I’m proud of you for doing something about it, it takes a lot. How did your relationship with sex change when Sober vs. Not Sober?
Sex became much better while sober. You feel everything. I’ve had sex on ecstasy, I’ve had sex on everything. It’s fun, but there’s nowhere near as much passion. True passion. Being drunk doesn’t make you hornier, or better at sex, it makes you think you’re hornier and better at sex.
You’ve talked about some of your sub experiences, I’d love to hear about your dom side
There’s this young, black, macho construction guy I know, he came across as a total top. I like black guys. I do like white guys more, but I like black guys too. A lot of times, guys say they’re tops, but they’re really bottoms, and there’s guys that say they’re bottoms, but can be tops, which fascinates the fuck out of me. I love turning a top into a bottom. At first I just gave him head in the car. We kept talking, and over the course of a few months, I got more aggressive. One day he showed up wearing panties. He’s got these sexy dreads. So I’m fucking grabbing his dreads, eating his ass. Spanking his ass. Biting him. Making him a total bitch. I would eat his ass for at least 20 minutes, then fucking take his dreads and make him beg for more. I’d open up his hole nice and slow. I love to play with a hole carefully. You know, most guys just ram it in. No, no, no, dude, you gotta fuckin’ eat it nice and slow. You gotta play with it and finger it and open it up and have the boy beg. The next time I saw him, he was wearing a bra too, the whole nine yards. The time after that, he brought along restraints, and I totally owned him. I love to spank a nice ass. Firm, slow, not where it hurts too much, but enough to get that pleasure/pain thing.
What are the signs that someone may be transitioning from a total top into a bottom? How often are you a part of someone’s process?
I don’t think you know the process is happening until it’s happening. Because you know how it is when you first talk to a person, you have no idea what they’re into. But I get to what they’re into pretty quick. And there’s flags when you’re talking to a guy, they’ll go, “I’m a top and I’m open to ideas.” Some even say “I only top but would try bottoming for the right guy.” Like, no, you’re not a top if you want to bottom. If a guy says they’re verse, 95% of the time they’re a bottom–they’re just too shy to admit they like getting fucked. I’m a true verse. It just depends on the guy I’m with and the mood I’m in at the time. But if you see a guy that says he’s verse, I’m telling you, go top him.
Hahaha.
Seriously, go text 10 guys that say their vers. I will guarantee you 95% of them are bottoms.
Have you had negative experiences with BDSM?
No, but I can see how it could be horrible if you’re not careful. I’m big on screening who I meet. As a dom, I can give a lot, but I’m more concerned about hurting the guy. I would never want to hurt anybody, you know, physically. I have certain lines. No scat. No blood. No marks. I’ve had guys that have texted me wanting me to cut their balls off. I’m like, you’re kidding, right? I’ll do a little CBT, you know, play, but I would never consider cutting a guy’s balls off. I mean, you’re fucking nuts. And I’ve had people that have wanted to really cut or injure me. Fuck no. I would never fuck anybody under 18 or do any real forms of incest. The negative experiences I’ve had have come from people not knowing themselves, like, there was a guy who ghosted me when we planned to meet. Other guys talk big online, then cum in 10 seconds.
What’s the right way to spank someone?
Spanking can be done a couple of different ways. Sometimes it’s just purely spank, get that ass nice and red, and make the person whimper. But what I prefer is the light touching and the anticipation of the spanking–you never know what you’re gonna get. So if you’ve got a sub who wants to be spanked, he wants to be spanked, and all of a sudden you don’t spank, or you don’t slap him. I like to combine slapping with spanking. A light slap on the face, or a nipple pull followed by spanking the ass and then rubbing the ass nice and soft. So the pain goes away. I massage the shoulders, massage the back, the legs, maybe suck a little bit, and then spank harder. You get to the point where the sub never knows what’s gonna hit him. It’s almost like putting a blindfold on him. In fact, all of this is better with a blindfold, so he never knows what’s coming. He never knows whether his balls are gonna get slapped, whether his ass is gonna get spanked, whether he’s gonna get sucked. Where his hair’s gonna get pulled, his nipples, his ears, his feet. It’s that whole sensory experience.
Did you learn much today?
Oh, I certainly did. I know how to spank someone now! I’m gonna do it with someone, one day.
Will you think of me?
I will. And if the other person compliments the job I do, I’m gonna recount this moment. And you’re right about how the best sex focuses on anticipation.
When I’m crossing that field and my mask is on, when my nipples are twisted with chopsticks, when I’m meeting a person for the first time, I don’t know what’s happening next, but I know I like that feeling.
I think I like that feeling too. Did you learn anything today?
The importance of honesty. Part of recovery is living an honest life. Life is way too short to dick people over. You never know who’s gonna be in your life. There are people I’ve met that I’ve known for years that I never thought I’d be friends with. There’s ones I thought would be friends forever, and they’re gone. I like the analogy that life is like a bus. People get on and off your bus all the time, different people. Your parents will be on your bus for part of your life, your husband will be on your bus for some of the time, your boss, strangers. But it’s your bus. People come in and out. And it’ll be a lovely journey.
