Conversation with a Hinge Match
I wanted to share a transcript of a hinge conversation with a ‘writer’, but they unmatched as I took the first screenshot. Here’s a trimmed reconstruction of the conversation from memory.
Match: Also, what are you looking for on hinge?
Me: Not rly looking for anything, mostly chats, occasionally people to photograph. Whatever happens happens. I find that actively searching for a relationship leads to unfortunate and desperate places. Hbu?
Match: I mean valid but talking feels a bit pointless if you’re not really looking for anything. Like what would be the point in meeting up?
Me: You can learn so much from talking to people. From a movie recommendation to insight into unfamiliar cultures, there’s points of view that can help you expand oneself everywhere. There’s magic in every conversation & forever potential for a good time. Do you not feel that viewing talking as pointless and writing a novel are conflicting traits?
Match: They’re not conflicting at all. Some convos are a complete waste of time
Me: Tell me of a time where a conversation was a waste of time
Match: One guy told me about a game he played with his mates where they’d wrap their flaccid dicks around their wrists. Another whinged about how people with mental illnesses are lazy and need to get jobs, then without a segway asked what I’m into sexually.
Me: re dick game: I’d argue that was a meaningful experience because 1) you have an answer to my question now 2) I laughed when reading that, which is a mark of a ‘good’ story.
re: lack of segue: While that was an uncomfortable experience, you learned something more about the world. An opposing point of view. An anthropological study on patriarchal flaws. And assuming they’re not defensive or hostile, talking to people like that gives you a chance to change their opinions.
Match: I suppose you’re right. I did write about the dick game in my novella. But I’d rather not go through the trauma of it all, especially with men, it’s again and again and again. Is it wrong to just want long term relationships? We should be aiming for them because they bring the most joy. Short term friendships are dysregulating, and we could all use more stability.
Me: Have you seen Before Sunrise?
Match: No. Are you not even looking for friends?
Me: I’d recommend it. It’s a movie about two people who meet on a train, and both are leaving the city the following morning. It’s a lovely example of how meaningful a brief connection can be.
I believe in choosing the option of greater net joy, but if your primary focus is talking to someone is to make a long term friend and your goals with conversation are only about ‘feeling good,’ you’ll end up with people who don’t know how to talk about feelings and only crave companionship so they have someone to watch ai slop reels with. I’m not seeking friendship, I’m looking for a conversation, and as I said, whatever happens happens. I’ll always appreciate connection, though I’m unsure what my capacity for a ‘normal’ friendship is right now.
Notification: THIS CONVERSATION IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE.