01:29: Still up, still scrolling. Four empty packets of cheese and crackers lay beside me. 02:32: Jack off to Ashton Summer’s face. Still not tired. If I don’t fall asleep within 28 minutes, I won’t be safe to drive tomorrow. 02:39: I’m not even scrolling, just watching the seconds on the clock app. 02:51: Perform…
00:12: I rip the corner of my bedsheets in hopes I feel disgusted enough to change them in the morning. But I still can’t rest. I hit repeat on ‘Good Luck, Babe,’ and hack at the pigsty of my room. I throw out the six unopened envelopes on my bedside table, the notes I took when…
08:46: I wake from a dream about The Magic School Bus where everyone’s Latina. 09:05: Back hurts. I throw the pieces of Nic gum on my bedside table into the bin & replace the bin bag. Groggy. Post on ig, delete photos. 09:24: I giggle at a quote from Ottessa Moshfegh’s ‘Eileen’: “Don’t take rides…
00:00: Jack off thinking about Jacob Elordi and fantasise about how envious certain people would be if Jacob and I were together. About him making me sign an NDA just so we can sleep together. 08:26: Pee then open willpower book. The book asks me to meditate. Something in my body feels like a victim…
09:21: Vyvanse down the hatch, bitch! My vision is static, there’s a blade in my lower back, and I need to pee soooo bad. I disable my screentime lock to post, but end up scrolling instead. 09:47: I used to think Kyle was a bitch for not wanting to read the news, but jeez, this…
00:01: On the wall are two posters, a magazine pull out of an anime girl and a giant Marilyn Monroe. Flowers in the Attic & My Year of Rest And Relaxation stack atop her chest of drawers. We smoke the joint I found on the floor. It tasted weird, like the time I accidentally spilled…
8:14: I bypass the lock on my social media apps to post on the meme page, then remember I planned to liveblog today, so I pop a Vyvanse and begin the post-posting camera roll clear-out. I search keywords from each meme, then delete as many photos as I can. The goal is to get down…