liveblog 29/12/25
01:04: I have the strange urge to wet myself. I suppose that’s a good excuse to shower.
Can’t figure out the root of the urge. Notes app list potential reasons.
- Subconsciously believe my living conditions should be of disgust
- I crave release , the act of letting go
- I crave transgressive behaviour
- I want to give up
- Too lazy to leave bed
- That was simply an intrusive thought.
None feel more right than the others.
I strip as I enter the bathroom, then sit on the shower floor, pulling on the faucet as I piss.
I like those words together. Strip. Sit. Piss.
Wasn’t as exciting as I thought it’d be.
I let the water run through my hair, then reach for my shampoo. It’s not there. My body wash isn’t there either.
I wish the bathroom doors opened to a wood chipper.
While I didn’t piss on myself, I feel contaminated.
Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.
I turn the faucet hotter.
Breathing shallow, fast.
Necklace heavy on sternum.
My veins are thick and made of syrup.
Skin pink.
Skin red.
Shove the faucet off and run to bed still wet.
01:24: Bedroom smells like a urinal. Wrap shirt around my head the way Marcus showed me how.
01:36: Anxious thoughts.
02:34: Smoke a lil J n stim to MIA
03:14: STI results all negative 🥰